Playing the victim card is BS!
4min
“No matter what I do, I just can’t win.” Sounds familiar?
I just want to start off by saying that obviously, there are serious issues in the world and many people unfortunately are true victims of horrible acts. If you are a victim of serious trauma and you have not yet, please seek professional counselling or reach out for support. This edition is not about those victims.
It is about those we all know, we have all been introduced to, the professional victims.
They tend to hold onto similar core beliefs:
Nothing will ever change with my luck, I give up before I even start.
The bad stuff from my past will absolutely continue into my future.
Other people are to blame for my results.
People don’t understand my life.
Sadly, playing the victim card is often just driven by a need for validation or sympathy.
Do you sometimes shift blame to a higher force (the Universe!) and not accept that you just gave up before you started?
Maybe because you’re not prepared to do what is required to achieve the outcome you envisage in your mind?
Now, that's BS!
B is for Behaviours
Certain behaviour patterns are associated with the ‘victim mentality’. The professional victim has a strong tendency to negativity at signs of any friction and challenge in their life. Self-sabotage is a huge ongoing habit.
Does any of the below ring true for you or that person you are going to bravely forward this newsletter to?
The victim might say a combination of these:
“No matter what I do or how hard I try, the world is against me.”
“Bad things just keep happening.”
“What did I do to deserve this?”
“This is destined to be a major catastrophe, I know it already.”
“No matter what I do, I just can’t win.”
The victim’s mind may often:
Think about the past and ruminate on it all of the time.
Feel there is no support around at all...ever!
Think “I want them to acknowledge that I am the victim here.”
Feel “I am helpless and overwhelmed.”
The “You don’t know my life, you don’t know how hard it is being me” narrative is an energy drainer that affects them and those around them.
Then, the narrative turns into a felt emotion “I will just feel sorry for myself and that will make me feel better, right now.”
C'mon, that's real BS!
S is for Strategies
Firstly, we need to acknowledge that it’s okay to feel bad, so it’s ok to feel emotional about past events but it’s time to move past that. It’s time to take responsibility for the actual things that you can control and stop playing the victim about what you can’t. Don’t allow the past to continuously shape your future.
Truth be told, depending on the level of trauma that is causing this mindset I could come at this with another 2,000 words of strategy, but below is a start (shall we do a part 2?)
Understand that the challenges in your life will keep coming at you, that’s just life.
Learn from where things have gone wrong as you look to NOT repeat the same mistakes which leads to the feeling of not achieving all of the time. That’s PROGRESS!
Clearly define the things that you can control and make a point of focusing on that when you set intentions for the day.
Reshape your internal conversation. The most powerful conversation is the one you have with yourself.
Practice gratitude.
Get into the habit of journaling. What do I feel I am the victim about? Why do I feel this way? How is this helping me move forward? What can I do next time I start to play the victim card?
Be clear on what you are trying to achieve. How does that align to your aspirations for life?
Finally when you get up in the morning, say to yourself "I AM responsible for MY LIFE, no one but me can control my ACTIONS and DESTINY."
The feeling of guilt, shame, depression, isolation, fear, all can be part of the Victim mindset. It’s a dark place to live in.
Say it "I AM strong, I AM brave, I AM more than capable."
All that’s left is YOU, taking on purposeful actions to be your saviour and hero, not the helpless victim.
Someone else said about this
"I am not what happened to me, but what I choose to become."
Anonymous
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