Thrive, Survive or Crash-dive (Podcast)

Join me as I talk to Rachel Tapscott from The Mindset Mastery podcast series for one of my favorite conversations yet.

In her 22nd episode, we speak about:

• my journey from corporate roles to life coach and the lessons learnt along the way

• the battles of stress and anxiety that many of us face along with plenty more about the stories we tell ourselves; and

• why tiny powerful habits can be the game changer to a life that is feeling unfulfilled.

Thank you for listening. As usual, you thoughts and opinions matter to me so if you’d like to reach out, please do so on my social channels below or via email at coach@lukefenwick.com.

More on The Mindset Mastery Podcast

Mindset Mastery explores mindset and neuroscience behind reaching goals and finding purpose.

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+ Podcast transcript

The Mindset Mastery E#22 with Rachel Tapscott & Luke Fenwick(Podcast)

Luke Fenwick 0:00
It is so common that we're caught up on, I'm a loser or I can't be fit or I'm not a good parent or whatever it is. So how do I help people connect with that? And uncovered? And then how do we get into let's create these tiny, powerful habits.

Unknown Speaker 0:18
Welcome back to another episode of Mindset Mastery. If you're a first time listener, I am so excited to have you here. My name is Rachel Tapscott. And joining me today is life impact coach Luke Fenwick to talk about transitioning from a successful corporate career. When the work he was doing and his mindset around it started negatively affecting his life and his family. This episode, we dive into limiting beliefs, the stories we tell ourselves, forming those small but positive habits in our lives. And the idea of self validation, rather than seeking validation from our peers. Luke has a mission to impact 1 million lives by 2025 by helping people figure out exactly what they desire for their life and creating a plan to achieve it. Good afternoon, Luke. Thank you so much for coming on the mindset mastery podcast today. How are you going?

Luke Fenwick 1:16
I'm good. I'm good. Good afternoon. Thank you for having me. Yeah. Excited to to have what no doubt will be a fantastic and lovely conversation. Natalia, good to see you. Thank you.

Unknown Speaker 1:27
Yes. Awesome. It's always great to talk to a fellow Aussie as well and have somewhat of a similar time difference. We're gonna just go through explore a bit of your career, and then talk about your current business now as a life impact coach. But before I ask you too much about that, can you walk me through a bit of your corporate career, you had so many exciting, different roles? And just tell me about a few of those and what were your favorites.

Luke Fenwick 1:54
Yeah I'll go all the way back to the very, very start. But I'll only touch on that briefly. So I started in retail, you know, when I was 18, or 19, I'd finished high school had no intention of doing university because school just wasn't for me in any kind of facet. So I slept in for a little while. And then mom kind of said, get out of bed and go get a job. So I went got a job in retail. And this was, you know, 25, probably more than 25 years ago. And a lot of people were doing retail at that point time. So I worked in Meijer for about nine years and did everything. Our first job was literally opening cardboard boxes out in the back and packing shoes on shelves. And I worked all the way through to, you know, part of the management team planning and development. So you know, doing new store setups, customer service, visual merchandising, like I did all that, and then left there and went to James Weston was a regional manager for them for about five years. And at that point time, I'd certainly had enough of the retail space and I was like, okay, you know, what was next? And I was fortunate enough to go and get a job with LVMH. So some people might have heard of Louis Vuitton moet Hennessy or some people might have just heard of Louis Vuitton and you know, clothes and bags and cosmetics and whatnot, and Donna Karan and think Gucci is wild and a lot of them so it's the biggest luxury brand house on the planet. And I went worked in the mod Hennessy side of things. So the liquor division, and that has brands like molten Chandon and Dom Perignon, Veuve Cliquot, Belvedere, you know, Chandon here in Australia and Cape Mentelle. So all these wonderful brands, and for me, at that point time, it was all about, you know, how do I have these amazing experiences, you know, traveled the world, and would take people back to France, and, you know, eating in fantastic restaurants all the time, and bars and clubs and all these kinds of things. So did that for as, you know, seven, eight years? And for me, it was how do I progress to the next one, you know, what's the next job, what's the next paycheck? What's the next fancy suit I could buy and car and all this kind of stuff. That was just how I was geared at that point in time, this was I was around 30 ish, at that point, left there, and then took on a role at Melbourne united. So Melbourne United the basketball club. And for me, leaving this big corporate space and going into what in essence was a startup business because Melbourne United had only just being rebranded at have been purchased by a guy called Larry Kesselman, who was the guy that founded Dodo many years ago and sold that for about $400 million (AUD). So I'd met him in an event and said hey, I'd love to get involved with basketball, because I'd played as a young kid was really close to my heart. And it had been in a terrible space, it was nowhere near as big as, you know, rugby or the AFL or anything like that. It was you know, it was a bit of dire straits. So I made the crazy decision to walk away from a really big corporate job, and then head over to basketball. And that, for me was around passion and purpose. So the purpose was to bring the sport back when other purpose was is you know, the moms and dads and kids, you know, they were all sitting up in the stands. So for me, it was how do we make this kind of amazing sport in my eyes back to what it was and the other parties that are I wanted to give back to basketball because it had done so much for me on a huge New York Knicks supporter, that gave me a connection with New York, which I've been to a few times. So it was just really, really deep in my heart. So I went and did the basketball for a while, and then left that and went to a place called MKTG, which is a big global advertising agency, didn't go there for passion didn't go there, for purpose went there for a paycheck, a really big paycheck. And I just thought this as the next kind of progressive career progression. So I went there and quickly was faced with, you know, not being in a good spot, didn't enjoy it, you know, the people around me didn't support me, quite frankly, didn't really want me there, the culture of the business was not what I thought it would be, I didn't respond well on the job. And it really started to create this kind of, you know, angst and anxiety in me, and it made a real mess of me, you know, I was not a good dad or, or husband, or person at that point in time, I was really starting to struggle with you know, angsty and not depression, but just really anxious moments, I'd wake up at four o'clock in the morning, every morning, you know, for six months, you know, just my, my stomach was churning, and just that kind of uneasy feeling of what I was going to be faced with, when I got in the office next day, you know, I go upstairs, my boy was, maybe he was under two at the time, and I'd get him up to bring him downstairs for the bottle and my legs and be literally shaking, you know, just shaking just because I'd been, you know, going for hours and hours and hours. So had many conversations with Julie, my wife, and we made the decision as a family that, you know, I needed to kind of walk away from this corporate role and, and just invest some time on what was going on with me as a person. And, and, you know, focus on, you know, being a good dad and a bit better husband, and, you know, the best personal I could. So, walked away from MKTG after being there for about nine months. And then really got into this, this journey to become a life coach and, and went from there. And that was about, you know, passion and purpose and making a really big difference. And how did I, you know, how could I continue to walk away from just this absolute shocking time in my life where I was just not aligned with what was really starting to go on inside of me. So that's a bit of why my corporate journey journey over the last, you know, 25 years up until this point.

Unknown Speaker 7:24
Yeah, so was that last role that you had at mktg? Was that kind of the trigger point that led you to wanting to do the life coach work? Or Had it been something that you had in the back of your mind before then?

Luke Fenwick 7:37
Yeah, I did. I was fortunate enough to do a Tony Robbins five day event, maybe 10 years ago, I I met a gentleman who used to bring Tony Robbins out to Australia. And I knew a little bit about Tony at the time, but not too much. And I said to this guy, and he's he's a really wealthy man. Now he does property development. I was owns bars and clubs and, you know, owned or is part owner for one of the Melbourne Cup winners. And I said to him, you know, how did this kind of life change for you? How did all of this develop? He said, I met this guy called Tony Robbins. I said, it's fantastic. Tony Robbins, I've heard a little bit about him. So we're talking about that. And he said, Oh, would you like to see? Would you like to go and see, you know, Tony Robbins at one of his events. And I was thinking that would be, you know, two or three hours out of my afternoon one day in Melbourne, and I live in Melbourne. And I said, Yeah, I'll have these tickets. That'd be fantastic. Let's do that. So I've got these tickets, didn't look at them until I kind of got home and looked at the tickets and all of these Platinum tickets. So it was like the front row of people, you know, lunch with Tony Robbins face to face, but within that space were tiny. And I went for four or five days in New South Wales. So I'm like, okay, so I said to my, my wife or well partner at the time, let's go up to Sydney. So we went up there and absolutely blew my mind. You know, it was everything you would think it could be from all of the stuff that you see on social media and him being the personality that he is. And I said, I'd love to do this, I'd love to impact lives like he he, he does. But I kind of just put that in the back pocket and shelved it and said, Look, it's just not happening. You can sit up there and we'll see what happens many years down the track and and just never got around to it because my corporate career was going so well. And and the money was at that point time was just something I didn't want to walk away from. So all of that went through and then the MKTG thing was just such a such a shit show if I can say that. Sorry, if I'm not allowed to, but I was just so. So not where I wanted life to be at that point in time or was impacting me on all of these other ways. And it was like, Okay, well, what, what is next for me? The basketball thing really resonated because there was passion purpose in there. I knew for me I wanted to be as I said before, the best dad the best person I could be and the absolutely the best partner. So what did that look like? And then I was you know, I was always enjoying in my corporate roles, when I would walk work with people and I how do I coach and mentor people? I think we did some rough numbers. It was like, you know, 15 or 20,000 hours of, you know, coaching and mentoring over my time we as people saw it always love that. And MKGT I was not getting any of that. So it was the all these things were sitting around me for so long that I wasn't taking notice. And I was okay, I've got the time, you know, I've got the opportunity to really say what comes next? What is this next, you know, period of life look like? Okay, let's do this. So I'd spoken to some other friends who were also life coaches, they said he's some some different courses, I looked at a whole heap of them, someone said, try Jay Shetty. So it's a guy over in the States. And so I did the Jay Shetty course, I was one of two people on the planet at the time of graduating that had unanimous decision by the board and you know, went from there. So it was a bit of a long journey to get back to it. But it always been just under the I just for whatever reason, wasn't paying the attention that I should have.

Unknown Speaker 10:56
Yeah, yeah. Now it's come just, you said it's around before COVID Time. Is that right?

Luke Fenwick 11:03
Yeah. So I was, you know, sometimes when you think back on COVID, as I was that three years ago, 10 years ago, when did it start but it was, you know, Christmas, just before COVID, I was starting to go now this is not for me, but I thought I'd go back to MKTJ and just see if I could get things going. So if I could just work through it, ignoring everything that was going on in my stomach, and in my mind and go, you know, I don't want to fail at this. And that was a big thing for me, I don't want to fail, I'll push through, I've always push through and everything, I'll just keep on doing it, doing it doing it. And so that was around the COVID time, you know, it was just starting to really, you know, happen here in Australia. So I left in February and then yeah, just, you know, walked away from that, and then did all the study. And I was doing study at the time to pass, I'd get up and I'd start at 6am. And I'd go through the six o'clock at night. And I was doing that four days a week for months and months and months and months to try and work through it. And then doing all the other practice on the back of it was around COVID time, we were meant to go overseas and spend some time in Europe, my wife's from France. And we didn't do that. So then that became my absolute devotion to support her because she was doing her piece. She's got a really big corporate world as a marketing director in a financial services business. So I said to her, you focus on your work, you love that your corporate career and commercial career is still going strong you want to do that are worried about everything else all look after the house, we've got a little boy. So I was like, I'll take him to daycare and pick him up and do all the shopping and cleaning and all that. And I'll throw myself into this life coaching, you know, thing that I was doing at that point in time. And I went from there, you know, every time I turn around, or really look at us, you know, getting great feedback and enjoying it. And I was learning more and transforming myself, and not being afraid of anything else other than I'm just moving forward. So it was just a wonderful time that was born out of some horrible things that were happening, you know, around us as humans and me personally, I went from there.

Unknown Speaker 13:07
That's fantastic. All right. So tell me about your business. Walk me through what is the biggest thing that you want to help people with?

Luke Fenwick 13:14
Yeah, so I call myself a life impact coach, there's all kinds of different life coaches out there, I think if you walk down the shopping center, you'd probably run into about 50 or 60 of them. So there's a lot of people out there looking to do amazing things for people. For me, why I say life impact coach, I'm not a spiritual coach, I don't claim to be that I try to help people make impact in their own lives by whatever means works for them. So that can mostly be around strategy. That's what I try to do. I try to help people understand and create a strategy that's going to lead them to where they're trying to get to. I have a vision to help 1 million lives by 2025. And where I start with is trying to understand, okay, well what are those kind of beliefs and stories that you've been telling yourself for so long? I do a lot of work around that I do this exercise called "thrive, survive and crush-dive", which we may speak a little bit about later. But for me, it's all of this clarity. What's the story? And then what is this headline statement that you're looking to create relating to your legacy. So everybody comes to me or talk to him about his legacy. So the story that you're looking to create or write in your life, and it's not just the very end of it, where you might give someone a car or a house or some money. It's it's every single moment. It's every single page that you write, it's the places you go, it's the people you say, it's how you love, laugh, cry, it's how you lose. It's how you have fear. It's all of these things goes into your legacy. So I try to help people that usually someone will come to me and say, life's just not what I thought it would be. At the moment. It's a bit misaligned. They might have all these other things going on, but that's usually the place where they start and then I'm like, Okay, well, let's dig into that. Let's go backwards before we go forwards and then Okay, well, what does life look like for you? Who are you as a person? What are you looking to achieve? And then we go from there with creating the strategy to make the impact, and then to move on towards that.

Unknown Speaker 15:05
That's awesome. So are you looking to help people identify what stories already exist, that they're telling themselves, whether they're even conscious of it or not, and move into living a story that you create for yourself?

Luke Fenwick 15:21
Yeah, you know, there's a quote by Marie Forleo. And I'll hopefully not butcher it, but I'll give it a goes to she talks about "our beliefs shape our thoughts, our thoughts, shape our feelings now feelings, create emotions, and then actions and actions create results". So if we can control our beliefs, then we can kind of handle everything. And I know I may have messed that quote but you get the jist. Yeah. So for me, it's, it is absolutely going back and looking at those beliefs and the stories that that people tell themselves because it is it is so common that we're caught up on I'm a loser, or I can't be fit, or I'm not a good parent, or whatever it is. So how do I help people connect with that? and uncover it? And then how do we get into let's create these tiny, powerful habits. So there's a behavioral scientist over in the state called BJ Fogg. I love his work. if nobody's heard of him, then I suggest looking it up. And he talks about behaviors happen when and habits form when prompt ability and motivation come together. But there's a fourth one, which is this whole reward system. So how you bring those four things together, in small enough kind of bites or steps to get you to where you're looking to get to. And I mentioned before that legacy or headline statement, that's what we're trying to do all these little things, so you can feel successful along the way. It's not too complex for you, they fit into your life naturally. And then you're just kind of hitting each and every day, you know, and it's not about a goal, goals come later. For me, it's a holistic approach. This is what I want my life to look like, this is how I want to how I want to leave. This is who I am as a person. And then we start creating it on the back of that step by step by step each and every day.

Unknown Speaker 17:06
Yeah, like how you look at it from a whole life perspective, instead of just looking at individual goals as the only kind of direction?

Luke Fenwick 17:15
Yeah, I think the challenge with goals is that they have kind of a final destination to them, goals are important in everybody's heard of a SMART goal. Maybe not everybody has but that Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time bound. Really good for working within businesses, but absolutely in our personal lives. So goals are great. But the challenge with a goal is You nearly have that kind of final destination. When you get there. You're like, okay, what's happening next. And that was one of the challenges I had with myself too, is that when I was in this position at MKTG, I'd always gone Oh, when I earn this much money, then everything will be fine in life, because then I can do my property development business, and then has this kind of knock on effect. And when I started earning that much money, and I was in this position, I was like, Okay, well, what's next? And there was all these other kind of issues going on, in my mind as well. But the goal is not the point. Right? The point is you as an individual, and how you're growing and how you're transforming. And like, that's, that's where the goal is the goal, might bolt into that stuff along the way, and it's like a sign in the road. So I'm going along, I'm living my life on this particular person. Here's my headline statement, I'm writing my legacy. And part of that might be that I'm going to run a marathon. Okay, great. Fantastic. done that. And I'm, I'm still going along, because I'm growing as me as individual into this, this story that I'm looking to create.

Unknown Speaker 18:42
That's awesome. So do you find that there are beliefs that come up a lot with a different clients, he talked about just the over idea of, I am a loser, or versus I'm a winner? Like, are there these big kind of blanket statements that come up with a lot of people?

Luke Fenwick 19:01
Yeah, it is, you know, I must say, like, if if someone's sitting at home listening to this, you know, when you when you air it, and they're going, you know, on the only person that's having these kind of beliefs, you're not. Right, like, that's just it's so so common that we have doubt about ourselves. So we have fear about, you know, could this happen? Some people have fear of success, for God's sakes, you know, I'm worried that I'm going to be successful, because then what does that lead to? And then other people have beliefs around, you know, just what other people might save them. So, to your point on what you're asking is that lots and lots of people have these kind of challenges, right? Lots and lots of people have these backstories with themselves. And when you talk about beliefs, that's kind of that absolute truth in their mind. This is kind of the reality of the situation where often it's not. And I always say to people, like there's a lot of work that goes into it. But it's how you start to flip that kind of perspective and narrative in your mind. So it's always always this kind of a factor is this fiction. Is this actually the story that's true? Or is this something that was brought up when I was a child many years ago? You know, and that's obviously a very, very common thing is that we are, we are allowing something that's happened in the past, to control us in the future, or in the present, and drivers forward into the future. And then that's, that's just a shocking place to play. Right? Like, just have a think about that. are you allowing events to happen to you when you were 16, or 20? Or what however, the old old adage is, seeks to then impact you, or impact what hasn't even happened yet. And when you can start to flip some of those narratives and ask the things I said before, then it can be really powerful for you. And that's that's the point. My clarity is key with any with any self help work, if you want to put it that way. Like if you don't have clarity, and if you don't have honesty with yourself, then you'll never be able to move forward or make a difference. Yeah, absolutely.

Unknown Speaker 20:57
Can you talk me through that process that you mentioned earlier? Was it the survive thrive? And I forget the third way that you mentioned...

Luke Fenwick 21:05
You did well, you did well, sometimes I forget what it is no, I so it's called. It's called thrive, survive and crush-dive. So, any one of my clients that I start with, it's absolutely the first thing that I get them to do. So whenever I start working with someone, everybody gets a journal, I send them out a journal. And there's all this work that I get them to do in regards to just understanding what is happening in their life. So I asked them to do that exercise, thrive, survive crush-dive. So thriving, what things in your life give you absolute energy, momentum, like feel fantastic. This is absolutely what life's about. What are the things in your life that you need just to survive? Now surviving Some people say I need to go to the gym five days a week, or I need to walk the dog? Okay, well, that's your thing. Right? So what are the survival things? versus what is the crash dive moments in your life? So people, places, you know, events, they suck the energy out of you, they make you feel horrible, they take away from those kind of thriving moments. So it's important to understand, like, you know, what is the trigger? What is the action? And then what is the impact in your life going forward? So over the first few weeks, when I'm spending time with people, I'm saying them to do that, at that point time, we're not even working on what your headline story or what the legacy is you're trying to create, it's digging into this is what's going on in my life, every single day, for a couple of weeks. And then they start to say, okay, each time I go into a new situation, I am you know, having self doubt. Okay, well, where is that self doubt coming from? Like, what is the story that's, that's driving that for you? Like, how do we then dig into that kind of piece of clarity all the way back there? And ask those questions. But that's the biggest tip for me, is that thrive, survive crash-dive stuff?

Unknown Speaker 22:52
Yeah that's a really good exercise. And then you can then look at how much you know, what kind of percentages are you spending your life in each of these different areas, if you're talking about the thriving activities, you only get to do once a month, compared to the crash dive activities, that might be your job that is really just sucking the life out of you, like you say, and see where you can start to make some changes there.

Luke Fenwick 23:14
Absolutely. And you've hit the nail on the head there. And other things ask people to do is say, Well, what are the priorities and tasks in your life? So? And what are those priorities and tasks belong to you versus the priority task that belongs to someone else that all of a sudden just magically ends up on your plate of things to do? So? You know, I asked them to look at that. But you know, you mentioned before is that sometimes we have these things that make us thrive. But we might only do them once a month. Or some people might only do them every six months. Why? Okay, you've got all these things that are making you crush dive and they're popping up in your life all the time. Well, so how do we how do we take the energy away? From these crushed dive moments? How do we amplify the opportunity for thriving stuff going forward? So you know, don't forget our habits happen when prompt ability, motivation and reward comes together. And when you're putting all those things in place, and you're carving out time to do the thriving stuff, then it starts to have a fundamental shift with what's going on in your life. And it also starts to impact you to because you're just not having that cycle of crushed all the time. Now, I'm not saying it's just as easy as write down a list and off you go. But, you know, that's kind of the starting point for you.

Unknown Speaker 24:25
Hmm, yeah. What if, you know, you, you get the list, you identify the things that you want to be doing more of the thrive activities, but you feel guilty about carving out that time for yourself, you have family, you have work, you have other commitments, sport, whatever it may be. What advice do you have for someone about actually carving out the time and doing those things on your thrive list?

Luke Fenwick 24:49
Yeah, it's important to kind of connect to that powerful reason why this is working for you. So if it's on your thrive list, then what is it doing for you? How good does it make you feel, you know, when you ask those questions, And then you can say the knock on effect. So I'm doing this makes me feel this, which then impacts on these particular things, when you can kind of tap into that, then you suddenly start to go, Okay, I can see the power of this. Sometimes it's also about just, you know, taking the opportunity to check in. And it's amazing how many people will just think that I can't take the time for once a week on a Saturday to sit down and watch my TV show, and just chill out or read a book or go for a walk. Because the people in my family just they can't have me not around. Okay, it's an interesting thought. So what's the one thing you can do right now, in order to understand is that fact or fiction? arts go talk to your family and see whether or not it's okay. So, you know, that's a really, really big part of it is just to kind of dig in sometimes and go, Well, you know, what are the what are the boundaries? What are the things that are stopping me from doing this, what's that action that I can take right now, in order to progress, maybe not all the way through to the thing that you're looking to do that thrives but at least a step closer to it. And sometimes it is engaged, sometimes it is, I don't have the skills to do it. So okay, let's understand that let's try and find the skills a little bit more. Sometimes it is, you know, you need to enlist someone else, because you really enjoy the fitness part of life, but you really don't have the skills to do it. Don't forget prompt ability, motivation, rewards. So go and find someone else to bring that into as well. So, you know, it sounds kind of basic when you just go through that, but it is like building blocks, right? All of these things are like, you know, bricks into a wall, just building your, your brick wall of yourself in and day in and day out.

Unknown Speaker 26:36
Yeah, one brick at a time.

Luke Fenwick 26:39
Absolutely like, and that's think that's the only way we can approach it. If you're looking too far down the road, then you miss the stuff that's going on right now you're not enjoying, you know, the bumps in the road that you're going through, because Don't forget, what often trips us up is that we are not prepared to have the two sides of the coin, you know, happiness, sad, you know, challenge, grief, whatever that might be. So, you know, if you're looking too far down the road, then you're not going to enjoy everything in in this kind of moment. And if you're enjoying this in the moment, then you're more focused on yourself, and the transformation of yourself. And when you start to focus on the transformation of yourself, then all of these other things around you don't really matter.

Unknown Speaker 27:23
Yeah, that is so true. That's a really good outlook. I also want to ask, going back to something you said before talking about your role at MKTG, and the idea of just pushing through and not wanting to fail at it. What would you say to someone who feels like they're in that similar position? And maybe they feel like they can't leave a job or, you know, they know that they're not going to be able to make it work there. But they don't want to feel like a failure if they do leave?

Luke Fenwick 27:54
Yeah, I think failure is just it is it is absolutely part of life. Like if you go back and think of all these other things in your life, chances are, you've failed at other stuff along the way. And it is okay. It doesn't make you less of a person. Often, the most successful people on the planet are the ones that are absolutely happy to fail and fail fast. And that's the key from all of these all entrepreneurs, you know, wealthy people, it's like, Okay, get in there, make it happen. Understand, failure happens. It's okay, what do I learn from it? And how do I move forward? So have someone sitting there and saying, Well, I'm in this position. And it's making a bit of a message me at the moment, which was, for me, I started to, I can talk from personal experience in regards to I started to reflect on or what is it going to do to the rest of my life? How, how much longer do I keep pushing this on for is this thing that I'm trying to push forward? Because I don't want to fail, actually part of my long term vision. And when I started to look at and say, it's not, it's not for me long term, I might do this, and I might achieve it, but it's not for me long term. And then I started to go, Well, I've got this vision on how it's impacting my life, how it's impacting Me, personally, how it's impacting my family, how it's not part of my long term vision, and all I was doing it for was my ego was like, just keep doing it. You know, you've got to be perfect. You don't want to fail, you've never failed, you know, which was rubbish because I had filed and stuff along the way. But I was just getting caught up on those ideals, those ideals of you know, being perfect and not filing. And when I start to just kind of flip the conversation in my mind and say, Well, how do I look at this in a different way? Like what are the things that really matter for me, then it started so resonate differently. And my narrow focus on this job just needs to succeed. I just started to say all of this other stuff around me as my perspective really started to change and I was like, okay, that's not the most important thing in life, like achieving this job and sticking it out, and appending everything else in my life was just not just not an option, I just wasn't going to do one. So you know, and I've got clarity too, because I really spoke to my wife, I spoke to the people around me as well and seek counsel. Now, they couldn't make the decision for me. But they also helped with gaining, you know, different perspectives to, and I think that's important part, I think going through times of challenge and, you know, angsty or whatever it is, then don't, don't do it alone. In a way as humans love being in community, it's often the thing that drives us forward is that we want to be around other people. And we want to have that connection. And that's also part of it, when we're going through times of challenge. So engage with people and get different perspectives, the ones that matter to you, and ask the conversations and just try to look at it from other angles as well. And just not the absolute one, that you're sitting there. If you go back to those beliefs, the challenges is they are often the truth, we just think that that's the only truth that exists. So what other options exist for you?

Unknown Speaker 31:06
Yeah, that's great. I think it's so important to ask yourself questions and challenge yourself and really look at why and always come back and evaluate, you know, where, where's everything coming from? And like you said, you know, it wasn't going to be for you long term, and looking into the long term thinking give you a much better perspective of what is right for you, in your next steps.

Luke Fenwick 31:29
Yeah, no one knows what's gonna happen next. So I was like, Okay, well, who am I as a person? What do I want? Who do I want to be? And then when I started to form those kinds of things, I'm like, okay, that then these are the changes that I need to make, you know, when I was having some challenges, I just wasn't being present, as a dad, or a husband, or my mind was always in these other locations. And it wasn't so much thinking about the details of work, it was because I was still trying to wrap my head around it. But it was just all of this other stuff that was flying around in there. So when I started to say, Well, I don't want to be that all went to be these other things that I was like, Okay, again, that was part of the shift. How do I move moving to a different direction?

Unknown Speaker 32:13
Hmm, yeah, that's awesome. So I want to ask you, as well want to talk about the idea of self validation versus seeking validation from our peers. Because I think every single person on the planet, we all go through life, and we're always seeking validation from everyone around us, and even especially in our social media world, seeking validation from complete strangers, and social media. But you talk about the idea of self validation? How does that help you to, I guess all work towards more what you want to do, instead of looking at what's the whole rest of the world think I should be doing?

Luke Fenwick 32:49
Yeah, so let's, let's go back for anyone that might be listening, that hasn't heard the stuff in regards to when it all kind of began. So go all the way back many many, you know, millions of years ago, when we're talking about, you know, us as, as early humans, and what we wanted to do at that point time is that we wanted to fit into the community, whether or not that was the community around a cave or a small village, but that for us was how do we fit into a community. So we're not left outside to be either attacked by whatever it might be a, you know, animal or another personal one on so community was really important to us. And we wanted to do things in order to fit into that. Now, if you jump all the way through to where we are now, and you're talking about this, where are we getting validation from, and often that is around material things, you know, you find and I, I suffered myself, you know, if I earn this much money, or if I buy that car, I do this thing, and I feel better about myself. And a lot of people get caught in that if I do this, I'll feel that if I get this many likes, you know, I'll be more complete. When I own that particular jacket or shoes, I'll be more of a person. So that whole validation piece is just a cycle of and our minds just are geared towards that. Right? Like, Share. Great feeling brilliant. So what are some of the things that we can do for that pace? If we are caught in this whole? Where do I get my validation from? So validation and external pays, is, again, go back to focusing on us, how do I transform myself? So focus on that transformation? How do I grow as an individual, and that that can still be applied within a workplace? So how do I become the best person I can, in this very moment to be, you know, within this meeting, or in this particular job, and when you can focus on the growth of yourself and the transformation of yourself? How do I be the best possible person I can be in each and every moment, then you're not worried about what's going on over there on this particular person or that particular thing? Because all you're focused in is your mind and yourself and your growth. And it's not about the car and it's not about the salary and it's Not about the locks, it's just you as an individual. And kind of that's what we're here for. Right? Like we are here. As humans to impact the world around us. We are here to learn and to grow and to share and to love and to give and all of these things. And when you're focused on those, and saying, am I bringing the best of myself to these things, then that's what matters. It's not, am I bringing the best of myself to these things for that person to say, Well done, I can't that's not where it's, that's not where it is. Because you can't impact what that person does feel says, or whatever it is, like you can't, like we've got no control, you can be the most kind, giving loving person on the planet. But there's still going to be haters out there. That's the way it is. So don't focus on the reciprocation. Just focus on yourself in that moment. And, you know, head down that path, thing, that's the way to go. And get off social media, if it's doing you a disservice. Now, social media can be great, it can share with us a wealth of information, it can certainly enable us to to learn. But if you're finding that you're getting on your social feed, and every time you're doing, you're feeling anxious, and crap and unfulfilled, then maybe it's not for you, maybe the things that are coming up in your feed, you should be consuming less of so be mindful of your screen time. Certainly don't do it at night time. Absolutely don't do it. When you first get out of bed, spend your time when you get out of bed. Before I even get up. My eyes are open before I get up, I think about this is the kind of person I wish to be any on this particular day. And it's an ongoing theme in my mind. So I'm not even out of bed at this point in time, I'm not touching my phone, doing none of that stuff. So just focus on you set your intentions for the day, what you wish to do that story that you're writing, and off you go.

Unknown Speaker 36:55
That is awesome. Especially that I think the reflex for a lot of people, sometimes I'm guilty of this, you reach for your phone just to kind of wake up and get into the day. And then next minute, you're checking notifications. And it's really, it's really not a great way to start the morning and set the whole tone for the day.

Luke Fenwick 37:14
Yeah, and like the, you know, the tech companies, the people that have built for this, they've got billions and billions of dollars invested in you liking and scrolling and staying on the platform. And then going through the journey of their sponsors that are you know, funding ads and stuff like that. And our mind is geared to that hit of dopamine, feeling good, great, fantastic. and off you go. So no, you know, don't let your phone use you put it somewhere else, you know, set your boundaries. And that's another key one as well is that in your life, make sure that you're really clear. And I would have set your boundaries and your non-negotiables. So my boundaries, these are the things that like it's the playing field that I'm going to work on. And then the non negotiables are the things that these must happen in my life. So whether or not it's around self care, or spending time with family or whatever it is. But when you start to sit in that particular way, you can also say, Well, my boundaries are that my phone won't be in my bedroom, or it'll be turned off at eight o'clock at night. Or I won't touch it for the first two hours in the morning like these the boundaries, non negotiables are that I won't engage with this kind of stuff on social media, if it's creating angst for you. If it's not, well. That's good for you. But you know, focus on yourself your story, your journey, your growth. And don't worry about what's going on around you. If it's not helping you.

Unknown Speaker 38:35
Yeah, fantastic. I love that as well. "Don't let your phone use you".

Luke Fenwick 38:41
A piece of plastic and whatever else is in it sitting over on the bench. It's not. It's not jumping off off the table at us. And I know that's sometimes easier said than done. But these are the realities of the situation, right? If we go back to the fact of the fiction, like you're tight, your phone's not jumping off. It's not you know, it's not a more often than not, it's not really a vital ingredient for life, but might certainly be very helpful, but you don't necessarily need it if it's creating challenges for you.

Unknown Speaker 39:09
That's absolutely right. So Luke, tell me, what is your biggest message? You want to get out into the world to that 1 million people before 2025?

Luke Fenwick 39:20
Wow, that is such a good question. And thank you for asking it. I think the biggest thing is, is one, spend the time on yourself. If someone is sitting here today or whenever they're listening to this, and they know someone that is maybe struggling a little bit or not in a great spot. And if they've taken something out of our conversation today or a conversation you've had with someone else in the past, share that wisdom and knowledge with other people make some impact in other person's life by saying Hi, I see you I hear you. I understand what's happening at the moment. He's a little bit of help me if you need me. I'm here and you know, I think that's What we need to do is, you know, as people at the moment is how do we help others around us a little bit more? How do we not become as blase, as, as we have been when it comes to these times of change? So there's that pace. And then the other one is, is just be conscious of what's going on in your own mind. What are the things that are serving you? What are the things that aren't serving, you go back to that thrive, survive crash dive stuff, if you want to do that exercise? What are the things that you know you might have used in past years of your life that no longer take you forward? And you know, get really clear of that, be very conscious of when it occurs, like what is triggering that and start to let go of it, take that emotional energy away from it, and focus on the things that will take you forward and enable you to write the story that you're looking to do. So if anyone's sitting there listening and going, you know what I'm not, I'm just not happy with where life is at the moment. And I don't really know where to start. But I've just got that feeling that it could be more than, you know, take the opportunity to either reach out to me, or someone else a friend, and just start to dig in. Ask for clarity. Who am I? What do I want? Why don't want to get to? What can I do right now to take a small step towards that? I think that's, that's what I'd like people to understand. And don't be afraid of failure. Don't be scared, you know, we all do it. And you know, embrace it, embrace the opportunity to grow and transform yourself. And that's, that's a real key.

Unknown Speaker 41:34
There's absolutely fantastic. So how can people connect with you and work with you if they're interested in finding out more?

Luke Fenwick 41:41
Yeah, the easiest place is just to go to Lukefenwick.com. So just head over to Lukefenwick.com there is a website, you'll be able to subscribe to a newsletter that I send out every four to six weeks, it's usually just content that I've created, or some podcasts or books or something like that, that I might have loved from somewhere else. So that's the easiest place to go. I'm on Instagram and fairly active on LinkedIn. And have also just started a podcast with a guy over in Vancouver as well called TWO DADS: the coaching conversation on life. So we just tried to talk a little bit about, you know, us as fathers and how we are, you know, raising our kids and just some content and inspiration that we've gotten along the way but the websites of this place and love to hear from anyone. Absolutely.

Unknown Speaker 42:24
That is awesome. And we'll put all of those details in the show notes below for anyone listening to check it out. Luke, thank you so much for coming on and sharing his story. It's been fantastic to talk to you today.

Luke Fenwick 42:36
My pleasure. Thank you so much Rach. Look after yourself. Be safe, be present, be you and yeah, thank you take care.

Unknown Speaker 42:46
You can find those links to Luke's website and socials in the show notes. Thank you so much for joining us today. And if you're enjoying the show, please give us a rating on your favorite podcast app so more people like you can find the show and be part of the mindset mastery community. Until next time, remember, we are only limited by what we believe we are limited.