Learn how to not label yourself and start new
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You don’t have to put a label on it - just sayin’
We have all heard of a badge of honour, right?
Often, as kids, we have different badges or labels placed on us by teachers, parents, and then as we grow up, by peers, friends or colleagues.
He’s the wild on
She’s the smart one
He’s the talented one
She’s the leader
We begin to identify strongly with those words.
Label yourself miserable… is usually what’s next
Why? Because, as time passes, the labels come less from external voices but instead from monologues with ourselves, internal conversations in our minds. And as we know, we sadly focus far too often on the negative instead of embracing the positive.
About 70% of the people I coach have put a label on themselves that:
isn’t building their self worth up; and
is outdated or just plain irrelevant.
And you know what… because they have been putting that label on every day, for years, they now believe it’s as much a part of them as the colour of their eyes.
Now, that's BS!
B is for Behaviour(s)
What you label yourself matters, beyond what you can imagine
The label and the reasoning I often hear sound a little like these:
Make a silly comment that gives me the “I am stupid label”
Miss out on a great performance review “I am incapable”
Make a mistake “I am incompetent”
Do something which you regret straight away “I am ashamed”
Not taking care of themselves “I am unhealthy”
Relationship doesn’t work out “I am unlovable”
Not making progress “I am unworthy if I can’t even do this”
But do you really think you can easily define who you are with the one or two words you label yourself as? No, you cannot.
And as you see, there may be a small sliver of truth that exists here and then but over and over again, it becomes an extreme take on what was referring to just a moment in time.
What do you label yourself out of?
Are you trying to make it bigger than it needs to be, to then justify the hurt you have? So then, you have an excuse why you can’t achieve what you want?
If I had to put a label on it, I would call this learned behaviour = self-limiting.
C'mon, that's real BS!
S is for Strategies
As with much of the work we do (with my clients), it’s not about an instant change but it is about realisation of truth followed by purposeful action.
How to not label yourself - Rip that bad boy off and start new
Get your journal out and on a blank page create 5 columns.
Each time a label appears in your mind, write it down in column 1 = what that is
e.g. Label of “I am a failure”In column 2, write down where this thought is coming from
e.g. “I didn’t get the promotion”In column 3, write down “Yes” or “No” to this question: is this a justified and reasonable narrative to have?
e.g. in our example “I am a failure” would be “No”In the 4th column, write down which of the following is occurring, is this label “building me up” or “pulling me back”?
In the last column, column 5, write down “Yes” or “No” answering this question: do you really believe what you’ve labelled yourself as at the start in column 1?
Letting go of the label you put on yourself
Then that night, before going to bed, in your bathroom mirror, write on the mirror, what you will do tomorrow to take purposeful action(s) towards removing the “[column 1]” label.
This might be:
improve your knowledge,
look for the life lesson,
journal about “this being just a moment in time”,
talk with your boss to understand how you get the promotion next time…
In our example above, you might have indeed not received the promotion, which is ok to acknowledge (remember, we know when we lie to ourselves) however instead of labelling yourself “I am failure”, get real with actions in order to make progress and not ruminate on what is now, unequivocally, history.
Label yourself positive to be happier
It comes down to this: control what you can control.
Think “I might have failed in my vision now, however this is what I learnt in the process and this is what I will do to ensure that label doesn’t stick tomorrow.”
Acknowledging that ‘it is just a moment’, gives it a time frame and now gives you permission to leave it behind.
Lastly, think about who you want to become.
If you were to label yourself once more, what label best represents that?
Try wearing that new label for a bit and see how you feel.
Someone else said about this
“Examine the labels you apply to yourself. Every label is a boundary or limit you will not let yourself cross.”
— Wayne W. Dyer
Remember that at any stage, you can book a free chat with me - no pressure, no commitment.
Love it, discuss it, share it #thatsbs
