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Why is loving yourself so hard to achieve?

The constant search for something to enable us to feel whole or full or satisfied with our position in life is not uncommon at all.

This notion of ‘you should love yourself now’ makes sense to most but in reality, doing it is not as straightforward as deciding it… If you struggle with loving yourself you are not alone, I see this weekly!

Sadly, society combined with the power of advertising and media has warped our thinking for a long time that we are incomplete until we have:

The car
The watch
The phone
The outfit
The fragrance
The juicer….the mixer…the airfryer
The right face
The right size
Etc

It’s exhausting to think about all the ways we are told each day “hey you… you need this or your life is kind of empty or not up to the standard.”

All of this, consciously or unconsciously, impacts our view of us.

Truth be told, loving ourselves has never been tied to something or someone else. It has always been about us, accepting us for who we are without the labels and trinkets attached.

It’s not about saying you can’t have nice things and enjoy life. It is about saying your life is not about those nice things only. Those things do not define you.

B is for Behaviour(s)

Why is it fundamental that you should love yourself now?

The inner dialogue can be just a whisper but it’s constant.

“When I get that, then I'll be ok. It will then be time… I will love myself.”

The problem is, it is conditional. The condition is “I must have a thing” which is not really about me, to make me feel worthy, complete and lovable.

The search for external pieces to provide internal validation is a never ending cycle because there is always something else to buy, to reach for or to want and each time you attach a thing (whatever it is) to feeling love for yourself… you get further away from the capacity to love yourself.

Real happiness
True happiness
Authentic happiness
IS from within you

S is for Strategies

Journal about why you should love yourself now

We haven’t brought the journal out for a little while and it’s back because, saying you should love yourself now and actually believing it, requires some degree of reflection.

Answer these questions, one per day, each day for a month:

• What makes you who you are?

• Why is it important not to sacrifice yourself?

• Who are you when you are brave, courageous and authentic?

• What does life look like when you respect yourself daily?

• How can you show more love to yourself?

• What words do you need to stop saying to yourself today?

• What boundaries must you put in place today?

Now that you have begun creating powerful internal dialogue via your journal, you need to look to reduce the unhelpful triggers.

Remove the prompts which lead you to loving yourself less

It’ll be different for different people but this could be:

• Social media

• Online shopping

• Reality TV

• Toxic relationships

• Consumption of unhealthy food and/or drink

In the space where these prompts used to be, what can you replace them with that will loop you back to why you should love yourself now?

HINT: a self-care routine would be a perfect way to fill this space with.

The last part is about recognising you for what you are right now and saying it loud.

I am loved
I am worthy
I am enough
I am lovable
I am ready to love myself now

Someone else said about this

“Talk to yourself like someone you love.”
— Brene Brown

If it’s time to love yourself more, take care of yourself more or take action towards who you want to be, check out my life coaching programs and what past clients of the programs were able to achieve in 21, 50 or 90 days. Book a chat with me, I’d love to help.

Love it, discuss it, share it #thatsbs